I am still alive and breathing. Still a member of this wonderful world.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed but my beloved blog has been left in the dark all on its lonesome.
And for good reason.
(That is my corny attempt at a book cover.)
I’ve deleted my entire Facebook profile. I’ve avoided my blog which I love but distracts me so. Having my blog is great, over its time it has helped me come to terms with a lot of things in my life. It has also helped me to open up about things I wouldn’t have otherwise, yet still I felt there was so much to tell.
The funny thing about this blog is that in the beginning I had no one but myself to read it. I could write whatever I pleased and knew no one would be judging me, questioning me. I then decided to go public with it, I was worried but once I’d done it, I was amazed. I never in a million years thought anyone would care or even be interested in anything I had to say.
I am now very thankful and proud to say that I have a small following and really appreciate it. But again I began to feel a little stunted. Like I was watching what I wrote and was cautious as to my readers thoughts.
I’ve been trying to write a book for quite some time and it was progressing slowly. Trying to think of topics for my blog, to make sure I didn’t offend or upset too many people with what I chose to write about.
I want to be brutally honest and it is hard to do sometimes when one worries about what others may think.
I enjoy jotting down our little family activities and throwing a few pics in to decorate and help paint the picture. But that’s what my photo albums are for.
I wanted my blog to be my thoughts, feelings, lessons I’ve learned and the experiences I’ve had all in one place for my kids to read some day. So they can know some of the things I seen, heard and done. To find out for themselves the kind of person I am. I wanted my blog to be for me. So one day when I’m old and grey I could remember the silly ideas I had, the feelings I’d felt during big and little events of life.
It’s flowing now, without the distractions, I’ve got one big long train of thought smoothly clattering along.
It’s been a little tough so far, trying to write at home with kids running and yelling through the house just won’t happen. I cannot begin at night because I know I’ll go right through to the crack of dawn. My plan of attack has been to charge my little baby laptop, and when Glen’s home I go out, grab a couple of coffees, sit in a quiet place and type my little heart out until the battery dies.
I wish it lasted longer than 3 hours.
But it is getting there slowly but surely.
Once it’s written I’ve got no idea what to do with it. I will attempt to publish it some how.
I am terrified however.
Like I was when I decided to publicise my blog. There is so much in this book of mine that I’ve not had the guts to put into this blog and for those who are regular readers you know there is already a lot in here that has required guts to write.
I am afraid of what others will think of me, I’m afraid of what those who are mentioned in the book will say or do.
At the moment I keep telling myself I can write what I want and not be afraid, no one has read it and if I don’t want anyone to read it then they won’t.
But like with hard things I write on my blog, once I’m done I close my eyes and hit the ‘publish’ button.
Sit back and wait and see what happens.
This book is going to be everything.
I won’t and don’t want to hold anything back, it is all coming out once and for all.
It is going to haunt me until it is over and done with and I am hoping that by writing it I can let go of a lot of things I’ve held onto for far to long. Release it all out into the universe to be soaked up by everything, and nothing all at once.
So for those waiting on email replies, I’m sorry but it won’t happen for a while. I’m not just wading in the shallows anymore, I’m diving right in.
I may drown but at least I wasn’t afraid to get a little wet.
I’ll try to get around to updating on our family time soon. We’ve been up to a lot. Bud’s walking now and everything. Lots has happened.
Good and bad.
I hope your all well and happy!
xoxoxox Until next time.